A Metal Pinocchio
by The Rival
Summary: I'm not sure how much, if any more I will add to this. I'm planning to do one more chapter sometime. Larry is human inside, but can anyone else see? (*NOTE* I've started another TS fic, rated R. If you like this one... well.))
1. Refuge

A Metal Pinocchio

By Larry's Joan of Arc

Spanx for the reviews! *Goes to the satellite's ice rink and does a triple whatchamacallit* I updated this chapter a little bit, but not enough to make a huge difference. N E way, I have chosen a new pen name! But you probly knew that already. : ) A little homage to L3K!

Refuge

He sat in front of the computer, typing away. Larry's eyes glowed with the same radiance of the computer screen in the otherwise blackened room. This was no different from most other nights; hours of tedious typing, then finally, he would just shut down in an exhausted haze. And missions? Nothing short of routine. His rapidly moving fingers began to slow down as he lost himself in thought. 

Sinking into a trance, Larry let his hands go limp, resting gently on the desk. He sighed gently to himself, and his eyes began to close. That quickly, he forced them back open, and continued to type with a flurry of motion, eyes locked on the screen of the computer. But his focus was skewed, energy draining

Again halting his toil, he glanced over his shoulder. Now that he had silenced himself, the satellite had fallen silent as well. There was nothing to be heard apart from the creaks and groans of its structure. The sounds were comforting, presenting a welcoming aura to Larry. Not that he understood why. The satellite had somewhat negative connotations attached to it in Larry's mind. Most of his memories of this place were unhappy ones.

The chair squeaked as Larry rose, and the dull clanks of his footsteps penetrated the silence, breaking its monotony. Although Larry wasn't entirely sure where he was going, he knew that he had to get as far away from that computer as he could. There was something about it that filled him with a feeling of hopelessness. Was it the fact that they were two sides of the same coin? Practically cousins? The computer has no soul, Larry lamented to himself. And there, minus my emotion regulator, go I.

Once the computer was safely out of his sight, the feeling began to dissipate. Larry's bright cyan eyes, glowing somberly in the darkness that surrounded him, peered beyond the open door and into the room Tuddrussel and Otto shared. The two were sleeping peacefully, and Larry couldn't help but smile at Otto's calm expression illuminated by the night light near his bed. 

But as soon as Larry's gaze shifted to Tuddrussel, the smile quickly disappeared. Larry lowered his head as well, slinking away from the room like a dog that had been struck with a newspaper. That was what he felt like most of the time. Stopping in his tracks, Larry had to question himself in what he was thinking. And again. Feeling? Thinking? Impossible.

Blinking his tired eyes, Larry was now left to ponder something that had never occurred to him before. Having a mind of his own. Each attempt he built up in hopes of understanding himself was beaten and crushed by a voice, clearly that of Tuddrussel. "You're a robot. Start acting like one!you have one job, to do what you are told" 

"No no nooooo!" Larry whispered, trying to shut out what he heard. "I am more than that" Larry flung a hand against the wall, sending a vibration throughout his body. The empty clang echoed in the hall, and Larry's eyes widened with fear. If Tuddrussel heard him

Larry hated to admit this truth, even if only to himself. He did fear Tuddrussel deep down, but certainly hell would freeze over before he would admit it. Continuing down the hall, through the kitchen, and into the living room, Larry crashed down onto the couch, eyes focused on the ceiling, hands folded across his chest. With one hand, he stroked the chrome of his chest. He couldn't feel the cool of the metal, but he could feel a desire to be human. Instead of a machine. Which was all he was to Tuddrussel.

"I am a servant. A slave." Larry whispered to himself again. One thing Larry had kept to himself, concealed behind the metal façade was his inner world. While on the outside, he appeared to be an emotionless machine, Larry had created for himself rich, complex worlds inside. But no dream could take him completely away from reality. 

Larry tilted his head to one side, eyeing his hands. Clenching and unclenching fists, he wished to see human hands. Then Tuddrussel might be able to comprehend the depth of Larry's soul searchings. And human hands could bleed. Many times, Larry had wished that he could, with one nick of a blade, purge himself of emotional pain with physical pain. Just one chance to free himself of a little of the loathing he carried around perpetually.

The truth of the matter was Larry, whether or not he realized it, felt much more deeply than many humans. He knew love and hate, but mostly hate. 

His first nine years were lonely, but he didn't know that at the time. Loneliness was what he had always known, so without anything to compare it to, it wasn't unbearable. The years following those were easily the best he experienced. On top of the world, creating the super nation destined to evolve. While memories of those days drifted dreamily around him, Larry couldn't help but come to one conclusion, "to think. I did this to myself!"

In a way, it was true. Had Larry not played such a major role in uniting the nations of the world, he might still be far from Tuddrussel. The day he was sent to join Tuddrussel, Larry assumed it would be little more than another chance to use his diplomatic skills to get the job done. He couldn't have been more wrong.

There was no room for his diplomacy with Tuddrussel's brute force, which was let loose on Larry on more than one occasion. The idea of that was enough to bring Larry to picture it happening around him again. Quickly flinching, Larry shut his eyes and thrust his arms out in front of his face, as if trying to ward off a blow. One vivid scene popped into Larry's mind. 

__

He was sitting in the chair sideways, his metal bell-bottoms dangling over the side as he scanned down the page of the book. Although he couldn't have been there more than fifteen minutes, naturally, that was too long. A hand pushed down onto the top of the book, then pulled down, as if pulling a lever, twisting the top of the book away from Larry. Shoved in Larry's face was a badge, pinned to Tuddrussel's chest. 

Slowly, Larry's stare climbed the muscular chest, passed the pulsing neck, and reached the face. Tuddrussel's teeth were bared, and although his eyes were masked by the goggles, Larry could picture the fire in them. Without giving Larry so much as a chance to question this sudden bout of anger, Tuddrussel raised his other hand. In that fist was a phaser. For a brief instant, Larry wondered if Tuddrussel's plan was to use it, but that idea was quickly ruled out.

Tuddrussel turned the phaser so the round mouth pointed to the ground, and several tablespoons of water flowed out. "Again, Larry. I've told you before"Larry's mouth flashed several futile times, attempting to get some sort of apology across. But clearly, that wasn't about to happen. Tuddrussel was no better at accepting apologies than he was at offering them.

With one smooth motion, he knocked Larry's book aside, grabbed Larry's arm and dragged him out of the chair. As he did all this, he dropped the phaser. It wasn't of any use, whether he wanted it to be or not. Larry cowered away from him, knees clanging together every few seconds. Pushing down with the hand that was clasped around Larry's wrist sent Larry crumpling down to his knees. Several sharp kicks were more than enough to break the thin glass covering the dial on his chest, and leave countless dents across his body. "I'll just leave myself and let him do what he wants"

While he managed to become somehow separate from his body, and become someone, something else, it wasn't enough to alleviate every level of pain he felt. No matter how hard he tried to prevent Tuddrussel from finding out the magnitude of the anguish he was inflicting, there was no way to shut it all out. There was no way to shut out the voice, taunting and callous, ""

Larry popped out of his dream world shaking violently. He covered his face with one hand, his cries shattering the silence at broken intervals. He tried to free himself of the memory, to cry it out, but the tears would not fall. Slowly, his sobs quieted, and his head fell back against the arm of the couch. His eyes had shone brightly, but now, they slowly began to fade to black. He relaxed, disappearing into a secret world. A smile spread across his face as the last sparkle of light in his eyes died away. An escape if only for a few hours until it began again


	2. Exposed

Exposed

Which it did all too soon. **_Clash!_** Something came flying from across the room and crashed into Larry's shoulder, nearly knocking him off the couch. His mouth flashed a few times, and slowly, his eyes began to light up again after their hours of darkness. Although they were brightening, he couldn't see, but this happened often, especially lately. Gradually, his senses would return to him. 

All the wear and tear his system endured over the years was catching up to him. Being struck in the head enough times was certainly responsible for that. Quickly, Larry lifted his head, and looked around to see if he could find out what hit him and where it came from. He didn't find out what it was, but he found out where it came from instantly.

"Hey _Robot_! It's gettin' a little _dry_ in here!" Larry raised his head and propped himself up with one arm. Otto and Tuddrussel were sitting at the table staring in his direction. Well, Otto was looking back and forth between Larry and Tuddrussel. Tuddrussel was glaring. 

"Are you gonna get up, or what?" 

"Oh, of course." Rising up, Larry sullenly nodded, and shuffled into the kitchen. Tuddrussel clearly thought of himself as King, leaning back in his royal chair, feet resting on the tabletop. As Larry trudged past him, Tuddrussel's lip curled upward, in somewhat of a mocking sneer. Powerless to do anything about it, Larry made his way to the counter to make Tuddrussel's coffee. 

Every fibre of his being told him to make it clear to Tuddrussel that he couldn't rest his feet on the clean table, but it was pointless to try. He had tried to do so before, and it had always turned out badly. It just wasn't worth it. 

Still, Larry knew that it shouldn't matter to him, as he didn't eat at the table anyway. When the coffee was ready, Larry placed it carefully on the table in front of Tuddrussel's feet. Taking his feet off the table, Tuddrussel grabbed the mug. After a disapprovingly fierce look at Larry, Tuddrussel shrugged, and started gulping down his coffee.

Otto had said nothing the entire time, nor had he moved. He just sat, watching Larry's pilgrimage for the coffee. He felt a knot form in his stomach, but this was nothing new. This always happened often when Larry and Tuddrussel fought, but that was the strange part. They _weren't_ fighting at least, they weren't yelling at each other at the top of their voices like they usually did. 

But they seldom spoke at all. A commanding Tuddrussel would often shout at Larry to complete one menial task or another, but that was it. Larry crept silently out the door, where he again collapsed on the couch, where he had come from. As he did so, a sigh escaped him, and he stared silently ahead of him. Otto studied Larry, who was now motionless. 

What seemed surprising to him was how mechanical Larry looked at that moment. Whether it was the way Larry was sitting, or Otto had simply never noticed it before, he was unsure. Larry had always seemed human enough to Otto before. He spoke; he listened. He thought; he felt. He laughed; he cried. 

Now that he was doing none of the above, Otto could see that Larry was definitely not human. His eyes were embedded in eye sockets that resembled car headlights. With every syllable he spoke, his mouth would brighten and fade. And simply the way he had been acting over the past few days made him seem more machine than man. He had fallen into silent servitude, just as Tuddrussel had always wanted him to. 

But not only was Larry becoming submissive, he seemed present only to be seen, not heard. It wasn't that Otto didn't want to find out what was wrong, and certainly not that he didn't care. Something just didn't seem right, and he knew it. But to Otto, it didn't feel like the right time to find out what it was. 

In the living room, Larry was staring off into space, and in the kitchen, Tuddrussel was doing likewise. Confused but worn down by the monotony, Otto hopped down off his chair to the floor. He scampered off to his room, simply wanting a break from the whole problem, at least until he found an appropriate time to bring it up.

Larry stayed where he was for quite some time, not feeling any desire to move. His worries about who - - or rather _what_ he was had carried over from the night before. And yet it didn't seem quite as critical, now. He wasn't really thinking about anything, but he wasn't really paying attention to what was going on around him. Internally, he was torn by war, and that was what he was concentrating on.

Suddenly, a shift in perspective, and he was back in reality. Larry looked quickly in the direction of the doorway, seeing Tuddrussel there staring at him. "Hey, what are you just sittin' around for? I need you to - - -" Tuddrussel continued talking, but by that point, Larry had stopped listening to him. Larry was listening to another voice; one coming from inside himself.

__

I am a robot. I don't have feelings. I don't have a **life.**

A part of him told him that over and over. Although it couldn't extinguish the part that still wanted to be heard, understood, and recognized as perfectly human, the humiliating voice became stronger every day. Where it originated, Larry did not know. But it was becoming like a cancer; slowly but surely taking over what concern for himself he had left. 

He sighed to himself. I want to be human. I am as human as anyone else. I'm simply trapped in the wrong body. _I am a machine. No one cares what a machine has to say._ The inner argument continued. Of course, Larry would want his human side to win out, but it didn't look as if the end was in sight. He was lost in the battle. And he really wasn't even part of it.

Tuddrussel stopped speaking. He noticed Larry staring blankly ahead. Although a little frustrated that Larry wasn't hanging off his every word, Tuddrussel wasn't terribly bothered. The *new* Larry was a definite improvement!

Kneeling down by the couch, Tuddrussel spoke in a whisper, his mouth inches from Larry. "Did you hear me?" Larry nodded, not knowing what else to do. "Then get to it." Tuddrussel growled at him, in no mood for Larry's stalling.

But that did it. Larry was by no means willing to go down without a fight. In moments, he was on his feet, his eyes staring straight into Tuddrussel's. There was no need for him to attack Tuddrussel. He could get his message across much more easily than that. "No!" He answered, without showing any sort of regret for what he had just done. But inside, he was petrified of the response that might come.

At first, Tuddrussel seemed taken aback by Larry's boldness. Then his shock turned to anger. "What did you say?"

"I said no.' Which part of no' do you not understand?" Larry felt a rush of excitement flow through him. This was his chance to get even.

Or so he thought. Tuddrussel was not planning to give him the chance. His large hands grasped Larry by his skeletal neck and waist and held him about two feet above the floor. "That's it! You've always acted like you own this satellite, but I'm here to tell you that you don't. Your only purpose here is to do what I tell you, Robot!" And with that, Tuddrussel threw Larry down with all his force. The sharp impact left a dull echo reverberating through the room and floor.

Larry lay motionless for a few moments, crumpled on the floor like a rag doll. Finally, he rose to his hands and knees, and used the arm of the couch to climb to his feet. "And stop calling me Robot.'" Larry added, unwilling to give up.

Tuddrussel's face reddened, and he was seething with anger. Clearly, he was running out of material. "I call you that," he began. He paused for a moment, took a deep, shuddery breath, and continued. "Because that's all you are. A robot. A machine. You don't hear me call the microwave Mike,' so I sure as hell won't do the same for you. And you gon' do everything I told you." Without another word, Tuddrussel turned and left. Larry wanted to make a comeback to save face, but the words just weren't there.

Although Larry hated to admit it to himself, but Tuddrussel's words cut deep. Being compared to a microwave Sadly, shrugging his thin shoulders, Larry trudged off to do Tuddrussel's bidding.

At the same time, Tuddrussel was sitting in the kitchen laughing. To him, nothing was more satisfying than seeing Larry meet his downfall. "Yeah," he sighed, leaning back with his feet on the table again. "It's amazing what a few downgrades can do. But I think a few more would be even better."

*******

That evening, Larry had finally managed to get everything done. He shuffled into the computer room, and crashed into the chair. Every day seemed the same to him, especially this part. His fingers bounced emotionlessly over the keyboard in front of him. Not one thought was spent on what he was doing. It was simply a matter of getting the job done. Nothing could break his stolid focus. Not even

"Larry?Larry!" Otto was standing in the doorway, watching Larry work. Finally realizing he wasn't getting Larry's attention, crept in the open door and stood next to the chair. Again, he called Larry's name. Still no response. True, Otto knew Larry to be a focused worker, but this was unheard of. It was as if Larry had a one track mind. Work-work-work-work.

To Otto, this had seemed the perfect opportunity to find out what was going on. Larry was alone, and he could talk while he worked. But now it seemed not. Frustrated, Otto grabbed Larry's hands, forcing them away from the keyboard. "Larry!" he called again. Larry looked down, searching for the source of whatever had halted his progress. Seeing Otto, his eyes blazed crimson for a moment, then returned to their default blue. 

"Oh, Otto! I'm sorry, I" Larry's voice trailed off, as he wasn't even entirely sure what was going on. In a way, he had known Otto was there, but just wouldn't allow himself to acknowledge it. It seemed like Otto was waiting for the end of the sentence. He had a look of expectation on his face, but also a twinge of worry. 

When it became clear that the end of the sentence wasn't going to come, Otto took over. "Well, lately you just seem sodifferent. Like you're not alive anymore."

Alive? Anymore? Larry was confused by the statement. "I never was alive."

"To me you were."

Am I really hearing this? Larry asked himself. "I don't breathe or bleed. And what's more, I am made of metal. How can you possibly say I'm alive?"

This answer came all too easily from Otto's lips. "Because even though you don't breathe, you can dream. Even though you don't bleed, you can feel pain. And even though you are made of metal, you live." Otto himself seemed a little surprised at his answer. And since he knew he was on a roll, he added, "You've always been that wayuntil now."

Larry seemed to think about it for a few moments, turning Otto's words over in his head. But at last, the message Otto was trying to get through to him penetrated the wall put up by Tuddrussel's abuse. Resting his elbows on his knees, Larry broke down, burying his face in his hands. Otto reached up, hugging Larry the best he could. The two were silent and motionless except for Larry's shuddering sobs. The glow of the computer seemed to consume them with its brightness.

Outside the door, masked in shadow, was a figure beyond the realm of the computer's glow. Rhythmic breaths, heavy with fury, punctured the bleak silence. Although inaudible to Larry and Otto, the breathing fueled the loathing harbored by the intruder. "That's it — he's blown his last chance. This time, I will put that damn robot in its place," Tuddrussel hissed through clenched teeth. Tuddrussel was now inches beyond the end of his rope, and ready to take a drastic step.

Creeping through the unlit halls of the satellite, Tuddrussel had to rely on his memory to guide him. Once reaching the living room, Tuddrussel leaned against the back of the couch, lying in wait. His prey would return here eventually. And that would be his chance to strike. The lateness of the hour was no match for the alertness of this predator. He was bound and determined to accomplish what he had wanted to for so long.

*******

The hours he waited seemed only seconds. With his determination bared, he could have waited an eternity. But finally, out of the corner of his eye, Tuddrussel noticed two spots of light on the opposite wall. Squinting at them, he noticed that they gradually got larger and brighter. Off in the distance, he could hear a clanking noise — Larry s footsteps. Peering around the corner of the couch, Tuddrussel locked his eyes on Larry turning the corner into the living room. 

Tuddrussel quickly ducked back behind the couch so Larry wouldn't catch sight of him. Not that Larry seemed too interested in anything other than where he was going. Tuddrussel chuckled soundlessly to himself and grinned. After hearing Larry lie down on the couch, Tuddrussel waited a few moments for Larry to shut down, and made his move.

Stealthily, Tuddrussel prowled around to the front of the couch. Larry's eyes were dark. This was it. "Those last few downgrades really helped out, didn't they? Well, now it's time to finish the job. I can't believe I didn't do this in the first place." Tuddrussel sneered as he picked Larry up and carried him back in the direction of the computer room.

Otto had sunk into a troubled sleep. Worry consumed his thoughts, and it was impossible for him to drop off completely. When he woke shortly after, he wasn't even certain as to whether or not he had even been asleep. But one thing he was certain of: his regret of leaving Larry. Without a second more of thought, Otto sprung out of bed, and out the door. Now everything made sense. Otto stepped out into the darkness, hoping that this time, he could do something to stop Tuddrussel in his tracks


	3. Dismay

Dismay

Larry slowly returned to himself after his all-too-short precious escape, but his senses were distorted. And more puzzling was what he was hearing, "No! Tuddrussel! NoooooDon't!" The faint sound was clearly recognizable as Otto's voice, but why was he screaming?

The sound of the voice gradually became clearer, and finally, Larry's eyes began to see again. But what they saw, was Tuddrussel's broad shoulders and massive neck. Instantly, Larry decided to himself that he was happier without his sight! With a moan of discomfort, Larry averted his gaze, turning his head and looking over his shoulder, realizing he was being carried. 

"Tuddrussel! What do you think you are doing?" Larry received no answer, but as Tuddrussel turned a corner, Larry faced forward again, finding himself in the computer room. The monitors no longer gleamed their welcoming warmth of less than an hour earlier; now their harsh glare was almost unbearable. Desperate to be anywhere but there, Larry kicked and struggled, flailing his arms and legs wildly.

A sharp jolt from Tuddrussel's unrelenting fist settled him quickly. Even the shouts of his diminutive crusader provided Larry with little comfort. "Tuddrussel, you can't do this! He's one of us! You shouldn't do this to him just because you _can_!" Larry had no idea what the "this" Otto kept protesting really was, but clearly Tuddrussel had every intention of doing it anyway.

Pounding on the side of Larry's head, Tuddrussel finally made contact with a button. This was what he had been looking for, and Larry's head was open, revealing a mess of mechanisms whirring away. Tuddrussel eyed them a moment, wondering what a few solid strikes would accomplish here. But liking his original idea better, he grasped Larry with one hand, and reaching behind some of the monitors, he produced a wire.

That was where he had left it after the last downgrade. Larry was paralyzed with fear; knowing that there really wasn't much he could do. But now everything was clear to him. He was losing himself, and soon, he would be just like the computer he was now connected to. One end of the wire was now attached to one of the computer's outlets, and plugged into his head. With his final burst of consciousness he could dredge up, Larry averted his eyes to the computer screen. The last thing he could truly comprehend were the words: "Downgrade: 3.5" highlighted and glaring down on him.

Larry remembered this feeling from his own accidental downgrade. That was long ago, of course, but this replay of it brought all its emotion back along with it. It returned to him in a flurry, a helter skelter hurricane of all that he knew and loved. A shift in perspective, and he could picture himself, quaking violently, trying to escape from something with no name and no face. It was dead, and yet it possessed him, controlling his every move and thought. Its bellowing cries followed him, and the sound was inhuman

"Nooooo! Larry! Can you hear me? Answer me" Otto begged Larry, pleadingly. He clung to Larry's leg, longing for a response. But the damage was done. Larry raised his head despondently, looking in Otto's direction. "Larry!" Otto's tear-filled eyes brightened with hope, but instead of a verbal response from Larry, all he received was a dazed stare from empty green eyes.

The sight horrified Otto, and it shattered his very being to see such a thing. His hands fell limp, and he released Larry from his grasp. He sat on the floor, staring at the ground, trying everything in his power not to look at Larry, but it was nearly impossible not to. Tuddrussel was clearly proud of his handiwork, and was ready for Larry to move. With one solid push, he knocked Larry to the floor next to Otto.

Larry's eyes raged icy green for a moment, then faded to the standard green again. The inner torment had, for the most part, died down, but that didn't shut the turmoil down entirely. He knew he had been shortchanged; and remembered that things had been different. And even though he couldn't remember who these two people near him were, he classified the small one as good, and the large one as bad. But who were they? And more importantly, who was he?

No amount of trying would allow Larry to find the answer to either question. He righted himself, sitting up next to Otto, who looked up into Larry's face, saddened, fearful. Larry reminded Otto of an infant, or anyone with the mental capacity of one. His head was tilted to one side, eyes staring dully ahead, each hand in an awkward contorted position. Tuddrussel was losing interest in watching Larry's simplicity. 

Although Larry heard the thud of Tuddrussel's feet hitting the floor behind him, he didn't turn to look because he was so absorbed in his attempt to figure out who this small thing next to him was. As he passed Larry, Tuddrussel gave him a kick in the side, sending him crashing backwards, where his head collided with the metal counter. 

Otto glared over at Tuddrussel who had stopped at the sound of the clang. He wanted to fly at Tuddrussel who had always garnered a certain amount of favoritism from Otto in the past, chiefly because of his laid-back nature until now. Where had that gone? Strict as Larry had been, he had done so much more than enough. "Tuddrussel!"

"Will you just go to bed already? It's late." Tuddrussel shouted at Otto.

"Not until you tell me why!"

"I already told you why. It's late!" Tuddrussel's self-appraising glory had worn off, at least for the moment. Now, he was tired, and becoming increasingly frustrated.

"Don't try to change the subject." Otto crossed his arms. Larry, who had been looking back and forth between the two up until this point, decided that the yelling bothered him. Curling up as tight as he could, he waited fretfully for what would come next.

"I'm going to bed."

"Tuddrussel, tell me!" Otto rose to his feet, prepared to chase Tuddrussel down if he had to.

The two heavy feet stopped in their tracks. Tuddrussel's shoulders slumped as he turned and faced Otto. "Fine! Whatever." Clearly, he was in no mood for explaining something he perceived as being perfectly obvious already. "Otto, he's a robot. I've had enough of him trying to be one of us when he damn well isn't. Now he's a robot: he'll do what we tell him. Watch. Larry! Get up."

Raising his head, Larry rose clumsily to his feet. And that quickly, he was at Tuddrussel's side. "Now," Tuddrussel continued, "Go to the kitchen and stay there." _No! No! No! No!_ Something inside Larry yelled. But with one final pleading look at Otto, Larry went.

"See? Larry' is not a person, and he wasn't meant to be one." Without another word, Tuddrussel went lumbering off into the dank hall as if nothing had happened. He merged with the darkness outside the computer's glow once more, and that was it.

Otto was in no hurry. After all that, he didn't even want to breathe the same air as Tuddrussel. Pulling himself up into the chair, he stared at the intense blaze of the computer screen. Uninhibited, his eyes watered. Whether it was because the brightness of the screen was hard on his eyes or grief over Larry, he was unsure. Possibly both. Loss. That was what it was. The downgrade killed Larry, Otto told himself. Even though he still walks and hears and sees, he's dead. He has no spirit anymore. 

Tearing his glasses from his face, Otto buried his face in his hands, just as Larry had only the night before, when he was still whole. Through his tears, Otto scowled at the monitor, forcing himself to squelch a desire to smash it. Larry **had** been human; the trouble was, he had been condemned to stay in the wrong body. The body wasn't part of Larry, it was just a house for his thriving heart — abstract though it was.

Now that only that body remained, it was just an empty shell, nothing more. The person was gone. Tuddrussel had taken Larry's life. Tuddrussel had murdered him.

*******

By now, Larry was standing in the pitch black kitchen with one hand on the table. Not that he understood what he was doing in there. Now, he was certain he had been cheated out of something; it had been wrenched out of his grasp. In a way, he knew what it was, but there was no way he could possibly describe it.

Nor could he speak of it. Things were coming back to him, slowly. He remembered Otto and Tuddrussel, and even who he had once been. In fact, Larry had not died; he lived. It only seemed as if there was a wall there, a blockade preventing Larry from being who he had always been. In his mind, there was so much still going on. But there was no getting the emotions and thoughts from his mind to his tongue. 

Not only that, but it all seemed pointless. Every attempt to break away was silenced by grasping, scraping, clutching claws that strangled him, not allowing any sort of humanity that remained to reveal itself. But his rich, complex inner worlds still existed, held themselves up after all they had been forced to endure. Larry could picture himself racing around, pounding onto the wall with his fists, then falling to his knees seeing the futility. His hands were covered with dents and scratches. But nothing would make them bleed.


End file.
